LOTCR
by xXGandlafTheGayXx
Summary: A boy with the help of some good friends must trek across the world to destroy the ring, before it destroys them
1. LOTCR 1

Lord of the Cock Ring

Autors note: this is my furst storyu so plaeae be genitle

it was a ordinare day ijn hobbitvillle i was sitting with my boifrend fordro bagnins behinds a tree in hobbitvill we were trading Fidget Spinners™ adn Pokémon™ Cards. I haev bleu eys and longe blond hairs adn i ware a black robe adn black eyeliner adn grey-red liptsick and cut black hair alls of a sudden he haered a horese comimng down on the path adn we imstatntly new it was grandalf the grery we bith jjimped up in joy as we rane too se him.

me adn fomdo both readched he raod and we sae gradlaf on a whorse ridng up to hotbitvile we could tell i t was ganfdalf bcuz we colsd see his rat tail hangig over his sholder. he loke dup adn saw us adn smiled and riped a fat vape cloud in the shape of a Fidget Spinner™ me and frodu both thout it waz awsome . he stops in frot ov us asnd sayd " well if it isnt it me faverite boyes Frodob agins and Chilimanzar Lubrucant-Goodbody! ."

as gadlaf hoped off the whorse his robe lifted uup and in slo motionn i couls see his lardge wizerd wingis hung downs adn on it i could se the powfrul cok ringe rapd arond the swolen deik. at the site of gadralfs peener i statred to becomb erekt as wel. fordro notice me getng eretk noticng gadlafs weenr adn nuged me he looked at me smilling adn sed " lets go back to my houze wit gadfalf . "

wen we gotto fordros hoaus blibo wuz ther eatung tea he loked up an saw gandlaf and froro and me adn he smiles. "' Oh if it isint fordo galdalf adn chilimanzer "! he stod up adn huged gadlaf aand fordo adn me. all of a suden a blue glowe came frum gandafls roeb we all staerd at galdalf aed he smield adn opend his robe up. gandlafs large erekt peines swang downm wit a cok ringe on it glowng blu. blilbo saed " gadnalf is thet the great coke ringg of mrordror?"?"".. "yep said gadnafl" bilboe sterterd to giev gadlfad a hadnjorb his cork exspandid "OOURRH" said gadlilf as he curmed on bilboes faec. allofsa sudin we. herd a laod "ungh" form otsuide of da wendow aen we wint to goe seee wat it wuz thet wurs outsed teh wednow. et wass sam . . he wus litseneng to uz frum ourtsed thaa weindowww! "ormagersh' sed frono. forndo hatted sem becuz he haz a crush on me an frorodo got jealizz of us wen we wer togetheer . sam wuz naekid frm tha wast daon and had a erekt penies I new fondro wod git med but i strated t on sams penes alll of a sunden eye flet fordro put a fingir in me butole and med me cam.

grandfaf lorked at beelbo and then at mee he litfed up his roeb to revaal the cork rang gloring bleu he took it orf adn gaev it to me " take eethis cromk ring chilimaener yio R the liords of th ringe".

Auntors Nort: i hoep you like dit I willll rite moer wen I haev a tiem.


	2. LOTCR 2

Lord of the Cock Ring, Chapter 2

antords noet: thank fr the raviews on charpet 1 :33 (expect da hatres XD) so i decidded to wriet anoer oen. here is!

gandef gaev me th coec raengg and pot in my hanss i coud feel et puslating adn all i wantid wuz to put it oen my coek but sam graebd it froem my haend and jumed out da windw "oh no" sed bilbs. and we chazed aftre him when ew goet outsed we coudnt find him all ofa sunden fordo said " lok he es up dere!" me fordro adn granddad adn bilblo loked op adn sew sam in da aer flyin awey on a Fidget Spinner™ heclipopter. Glandhalf gote maed adn tuk a hugee vaype and blew it in the shape in da shaype of a draygun.

tha draygon vap fliw up tew zam adn he took oot his scord the drangon clawed et sam adn saem defelcted et wit hes scord the dragon tnured arud adn het the Fidget Spinner™ helichopter. sem strated to fal but he pot the coek range on his deik adn it glew bluw saem started too levigate bach op 2 tha drajon. the drangon strated to blew fier at scam but he threu hes Fidget Spinner™ et tha flammez. teh Fidget Spinner™ hit da dregoom adn et tuned arund sam took his larg donge aynd strated fuking th vap dregorn frum behend, "GUURNSK" sed saam as he crumb in the drangun a/dn it desapeered

sams simen feel frum tha skie adn it fel al ovor me adn frondo adn grasdelf adn bimbo%. ey fellt the hawt spum on me skeen adn froodoo strated liking it of me it wuz so hot." mi adn frood strated machin oot adn gadnald adn brimblo strated fuuking . .sam feel frum tha skie adn feel untop uf mi adn fondu hes deck wuz still relly bige becuz of the cochk ringe hes deck wus relly biig i strated to surch hes panis adn froodo gote relly made adn ran awayè.? ! I dadnt cayre adn keept fuuking sam becus hes colk wuz ver large. Sam pot hes larg pens in me buthol i cleenshed my buthool adn puled teh coch rang oof oof sam s penisg. sam stranted crying adn he ran way alzo.

bimblio saw this adn reched into my azz adn puuled oot the coch rinng. ": Her tak the rang adn kep os sayfe" he sed " ey weel kep it saf bilbz" i sed. I puut the rang on my deik so it wudnt get stalin agen by saam. I wint to go fiind frood to aplogeez toe hem so I wint bek to fronds hose and went in tha dooor. wen I opind the dor I seen Froodo adn saam fuuking in tha midle of tha room. "wat the fooking shit froodoo" I sed " it is no what thia loorks liek!" sed frozon " I poonshed sam in the fayce adn shot him wit my ak-47. "oh chilimenzer ur my herro " sed frodso then we strated to maek oot.

authros nate: plz doent leav meen corments I haev to feed my childern ::33


	3. LOTCR 3

LOTCR C3

Autors Not :: Yez Inglesh Es Mai Ferst Lagauge Plz Step Azkeng

Et wuz the frast dey uv scool adn me adn froodo adn sem want intu tha frent droor "waw" sed frodo I wunder wher the hat ladees R he sed I het hes erm bcuz ey wuz his baefremd "yowch" he sed adn we laffed.. az we wuz walchin den the haals we see crandelf wankig towads uzz "oooooh geandeelf wat R u dueng her?' I em a teacer heree he sees" We aall smield as I shoed them me sweet Fidget Spinner™ triks sem adn frondo adn geendeelf clepped adn I Dabbed. Tha beel wrang adn we wint to are ferst clezz wen wi walced en tha dor we saw dat tha teecher wuz a hot hunkin fella me adn sem adn foodoo wuz all staerin et hem adn we all got rally bag bonurz. "Hey clazz ma nam ez Lingoless" sed tha teecher "U guise cen seet neks tew gollim" me adn saum adn froods loked adn sew ther wux orly un ather ked en tha claes adn hi wuz relli uuglie. "Hai ussup em gorlem" he sed but me adn sem adn frodro lafed becuz he wuz so oogli "we dunt want to set nexet to U U ungle fooker" sed froooo me adn sem adn froongo adn linolaz leffed et hem. Gollim wuz cryin adn he ren awey.

Et wuz juest me adn sem adn fondue adn sem adn legoland adn then sudanly mari adn pipen cam thru the door holden eech odders diks pipen hed hedfones in adn wuz lesenin to fal oot boy he wuz sengin alonge adn it was relly guud . I luv faal at boi adn bluu hem a kiss he caut it adn put it in hes mouth. Froodo saw dis an wuz jealouize so he sleped me n me faec. Maru wuz smokina phat doobie Limolas dident liek that " no smorking in tha scoel if ur gonna get hi go to a bathruum. So me adn sam adn frodo adn meri adn pipeen left tha cless adn went to the barhroom adn strated smonking a weed. We culd heer gorlim in the toilat next at us criing lik a bithc. lingolas cam in the bathroon adn started smorken wit us.

It wuz getin rella hot in the bathroom so me adn sam adn froodo adn sam adn pinep adn lorgoles took oef all or clonthes adn strates making oute becuz we wuz ho hoe t adn hornei. gorlem wanted to join us but we jus laffed adn tol hem to die. It wuz relly funny. linnolins saw da coech reng pn mi disk adn wuz really imreesed. "He sed let me shoe yo somethin" lingolen took out a hekin cool Fidget Spinner™ adn put it on the cok rang adn turned it inoo a coek raeg Fidget Spinner™ adn ey pot it oen my diik. lominlad sprid opped his assoel adn I put the Fidget Spinner™ cook rinh into his aes adn he strated spinnen 10000 miels pir hoor it felt relli guud so I coomed en hiem. We all laffed adn has a guud orngy

Authos noe: plz liek mi storees or theill shave my eyebroues :3


	4. LOTCR 4

LORTRRD 4

Augers Nint: a'm lost

We wuz al smorki weds I the baerooom wen gsadlaf cam into the fabroom adn saw me adn sam adn forrdo adn mari adn pipn adn legolaz smoking weid en a bartoom. He gut rally maed adn saed "ur all expleeled;! we wuz praety pizzed off abut it but we didnt car becux scool wuz fr puzzies aniwae. we went ooutsoid adn we sew brilboe sittin ther nakid he ren up at me adn sed "chilemanzer ur the lurd of the courk renk u gatta get to a volaceno adn edstroy the rangg. "" I took ov mi pands to see the kronk renj wit the Fidget Spinner™ on et ad it wuz gloring bloo. Me adn samadn froidi adn pilpen adn sam adn legolad adn brilbe adn sam loked at the cook reing en amazemint. The range glorin blu maed my cuck feel guud adn I wuz gettin a rekt. I wuz ambrassed adn ran awey.

frooooo ran aetfre me adn fond me behend a tre-e criang. "Why R U cryin Chillimenzr? iz it becuz ur nervis abaut the advintre to a verlcane?¨¨¨ "nor I sed I dunt want to detery mey Fidget Spinner™ cosk ruing" froody lokid et mi aend stared et mi adn sed " lork chiklmizin…. Am scraed 2 i dunt waat 2 se U dei on an advintre so am cummin wit U" we strated manken ot (it wuz hott). He spun my Fidget Spinner™ kink ren adn we laffed it strated gloring bliw adn strated talkeng "Chilimenzir lubricint-goodbordy adn froldilo bangings U muzt destreer me in a vorlicena U muzt asimble a teem of greet warierz to hilp u an the gurney" "waw" sed frd. "The coosh ring sed " u muzt take grandfalf adn legoliz adn sam adn mari adn pipen adn bilbee adn 4 mor wariers I will summin RN". alof asudan a glowen lite shawn in tha skie an thin a man fell on his ass frum the skee "WAT THA FOOK AM I DOIN HER?" He ses "was ur nam " sed fringo" :am arorgorn" ses he. The coeak ringu shine biew agrn adn teh skye wuz blue adn anoder men fell. "oof" he sed "adn hoo R U"? "Ma name is sean bean" then the skie wuz blu agen adn another men feel thez tim it wuz a fatty fatty big man nammed grimmlee. adn than th skiy wuz agloring bloo agen adn a noder men fell. adn hoo R U?" Sed me. "Ma name is irn men toni strak" he wuz warin a rally cuul soit maed of steel.

Me adn froodi adn arigorne adn gimmie adn shawn adn tone went bek to grandilf adn bilbie adn pipin adn mari adn lingoliz to sho them the rezt of tha gangg. "Well i guizze we have to go on ad avnture nao" I dunt remembir hoo sed dat becuz ther wuz too meny peepil ther. All of a sudan sean bean got shot adn died.

Otherz NAt: the truth is out there ∆ †


	5. LOTCR 5

LORD fiev

Althons Niewz: me adn sam adn freud adn bilbie adn crandalf adn legorls adn arargoron adn tany adn gimmleie wer standeng over sean bens ded bady we wuz cryin becuz deth is sed adn we all love sean been (espesilly in Gaem uv thoenz 3) gimmle adn arirgool adn lingoliz lifted seem bens fuking ded azz body adn put it in a kayek adn kiked it into a dri riivar bed. sem took a fat dobee he wuz smokin adn threw et on tha kayeek makin it be on fier. Me adn fringdo adn smam adnmari adn panini adn billy adn gringof adn legololz adn aringoring adn grimmible adn tonya strak all lookid dawn at tha kaiak adn Dabbed en raspect fer tha fallon hiro.

todee wuz blimboz a hundrenth adn elebeths birhdee so ther wuz a big celerybration fer hem. (Its nite tiem nao) we wuz in a larg feild adn ther wuz a banch of tints adn a bankch of paples who kneo bimblo peope wer dancen adn havin fun acept fer me adn sam adn froidz adn bliboz adn grendralf adnlegorliz adn arlgorn adn maru adn pieper adn ghammies ad toner starch we wuz all at tha top uv tha hel smorkin weds adn spinnin are Fidget Spinners™ we dint want to party becuz we wuz sad aboot seam beam… so we all got nakid adn strated to haev an ogre. I wuz fukin frodie becuz we wuz datin adn we R NOT intoo polygony :(. Sem adn meri adn pipeen wuz al in doogy stiel adn legools wuz doin backflaps inno their buthools. gimmelee wuz mensturbatering becuz nor un wanted to fook him lolz. arigong had hez diek in bribos as adn balbo has hes diik in gradndilvs azz adn gradelf has hes drik in arigoons aes adn toni steak wuz watheng pron in hes suoit.

Al ofa sunden gaddilf cam ovar 2 mi adn frodill adn pussed froid awey frum me. "Watsh dis" he sed. gredoorf took a hekin big vaype adn blew it into ma aesshoel. I culd feel the smork tarvallin thu mai bodey adn thin I couhed adn the smork fliw oot uv mai mooth in tha shayp uv a Fidget Spinner™ It wuz relly cuul adn me adn frooido wuz impreesed. gadilf wint bek to fuukin ariborn adn barbio. alluvasudin ther wuz a larg beng adn a larg fierwerk exploded in th skie. At tha saem tiem the friwerwark wint oef we all caem adn it wuz soooo hot. than oot uv noware gorlim came adn atteked me adn strole me Fidget Spinner™ coke rim oeff of ma peenes but b-4 sam or froodoo or pilpim or bablbo or mearu or aringorg or gradlif or ergoless or gremmil or tronsterk (he wuz still surfin da web) cud du anyfin to storp gollim frum getin awey he tuuk oef intp the derk adn we cudent find him. I wuz rally sed becuz i rally liekd that Fidget Spinner™ cok rig. " we hev to git the conkrink bek" sed gardiff. "OH NO" sed sam. We al loked et him adn he looked afreid. "Im pragnet" he sed.

augros not: tey tok mai son plz revieo so they giev him bek 1 liek = 1 prayer


	6. LOTCR 6

LOTCR 6

AUTHOO NO: MAI KEBERD IS BRAKEN AM SRRY

WE WINT 2 THA DOCTER 2 SI HOO THA FADER UV SEMS BABO WUZ. ME ADN FRODOE ADN SAM ADN GRADILF ADN BRINOBO ADN LOGOLOS ADN MAERU ADN PIRPEN ADN AGAROON ADN GRIMILM ADN TONO STEK WINT INTO THA DOCTONS OFFISE ADN WI GOT AN D&A TEZT SOE WI CUD SEEE EF OEN UV UZ WUZ DA FATHAER. SEM WUZ SETTEN EEN THA DORCTOS OFFERS BEEENG FAT BECUZ HE WUZ PRAGANT. ET WUS RILLY AWKWAERD BEIN EN A RUUM WIF ALL DEEZ PEEPLE BECUZ I NEW ET CUDENT HAEV BEEN MI OR FROUDE WHO WER THA FARTHER BECUZ ME ADN HEM WERE BOIFRENS SO NEIDER ME OR FREREDO HAS HAD SIX WITHH SEM. DEN DA DORCTER CAM IN TH ROUM WIF A RESULTZ OF THEE D&A TIST 2 FEND OOT WICH UN OV USS EZ THA FETHAR "HELO I AM A DOCTAR ADN I AM HER 2 TELL U WHO IZ DA FATHER.." DEN HE STORPED TALKIN AZ HI LOOKED AT HES CLITPOARD WI WER AL AWITING FR HEM 2 TLAK AGEN THAN HE SED "GRADNILF, UAR THA FAETHHER" "ORMG" SED GRINDARF ADN HE STRATED CRIIN BECUZ HE WUZ A DAED NAO. "WAIT" SED THE DORKTER "BILBAO, UR ALZO THE DADD" BILBE ADN GRANDILF WENT TO SAM ADN HUGGED HIM "AM SO HAPY" SED BILBE. " WAYT" SED THE DORSHTER" " LEGORLIZ UR ALSO THE DADAA" LERGOILIS DID NORTHIN BECUZ HE IS 2 COOL 2 SHOE EMONITIONZ. "ARIGONG, UR ALSO ONE OF THA FAATHARS" HE WINT 2 SEM ADN BILBE ADN GALDGRAFL ADN JOENID THA GROPU HUGGZ THAN THI DORICHTER SED " MAERU AEN PRIPIN UR ALSO THE DASD" MERI AEDN PEPE JAMPID FER JOI ADN WINT TO HUG SAEM. "WIAT, SED THA DACTAR GRIMMLY UR A DAD 2" "OI I KNOE I WOULD BI" THAN HE WINT TO JOIEN THA GROPE HUG". "WAIT" SAIS A DORCITER "TONYSTART U AR THE FETHER" THAN TONIE FLIW EN HES ERNMEN SOOT TO THA HOPSITAL BED WIT SAM ADN EVERONEN WUZ CRYIN WIT HAPINIZ.

I WUZ HEPPY THAT FROIDOES NAM WASANT SED BAI THA DORTER " AM SO PROID OF U FROIDOR MI ADN U AER NOT A DAD BECUZ WE AER FAETHFUL AT EACHUTHER" I SED TO FROIDO. "WAIT" SED THA DORCAR "FORIDOR UR ON THA LIST NAO TO" FROID LOOKID AET MI RALLY GILUTY "YOO MODERFOKER I HAT U FROINDO AM BRAKIN OP WIT U" I SCREMED AT FORDO. ALLOVASUDAN SEM SED "REEEEEEEEEEEEEE" ADN HE STRATED GIVEN BERTH THA DOCTER WINTO TOE SEM ADN REACSHED OP HIS ASSS ADN PULLID THE BABO OOT OF SEMS STORMICH THAN HE CUT THA UMBRELLACAL CORD WIT A FIDGET SPINNER™ WIT RAZZER BLADS ON ET. "IL NAM IT DREW" SED SAM. EY WUZ STILL MED AT FROODO BECUS THET BAEBEE WUZ 1/10TH HIZ BABI SO EY TOOK OUT MI AK47 ADN SHOT SAM ADN THE BABIE "SCRU U GUYZ IM GOIN HOEM" I SED ADN REN AWEY HOLDIN UP MAI MILDLE FINGGERS.

ARTHERS NAERT: NO BAEBIES WER HARMID IN THA MAKIN OV DIS CARPITER SO NO RAPERT MI! PS: IT IZ MAI BERFDEY SO PLZ RAVIEOW THIS CAPITER SO I CEN SEE MAI CHALDRIN AGEN THX!


	7. LOTCR 7

LOTCER SVEN:

auterd nat: Ḯ̶̮̦̩̍ͨͬ̒m̗̗͈̹̯͉̙̅͛ ̻̻̰i̩̦̞͎̞͚̫ͬͧ̈́̐̊͟ņ̖̲͎̃̐̒̇͒̏ ̱͖̰ͧ͋̈́̐ͅț̶͕͇ͅeͩ̍̚͏͎r̩͉͈͈͓̙̼̀r̵̭̰̯̅ị̩͓̑ͮ̏b̛̹͉͈̙͇l̘̣͌̄ͮ͒̉̆͞e̳̞͎̒ͧͩ͒̈́̚ ̠̠̰̹͆̈́̒ͦ̓̅̈P̫̪̤͔͇̳̲ͪa̘͑̋i̷͙͕̘͆͛̂̃͗ň̗̠͓̀̂͐̋̃ͧ

Ey wuz heidin in mai hauz becuz I jus killid sem adn hes baebee adn ai new evaroen wud B anger me. frrolio caem in ma hoose lookin 4 me but I wuz playin heid an sek "marko" sed frood "polio!" I ses. Gosh fookin dammet frooido noes I luv maerc pool. Hi faound mi haidin in da microave. "Wot r u doin chalimenir u can't do dat to sem adn hes babe, das mai son OKAY? Jus becuz ur 2 emateur 2 see dat I aem a faether nao doesant meen ur allaod 2 jus kill ppl" sed frode to mi. I get rally anger adn sed "Wot da fook ded u jus fukin sae aboot mee, u lile batch? ell haev u no i graedeated toep uv mai clazs en te Navee Seelz, an iv ben invulivd n numberus secrat raeds oen Alquida, ad ai haev oover 300000 cumfermd kells. I'm tranid en guerilla worfair adn Im th topp snipr en te entaiir USSA armied forrses. u R notin 2 mi butt jus anoter targit. eI wil waip u tha fuk oot wit persision da lieks uv witch haz naverr ben sen b4 on dis earph, merk mai fooking wards. u tink u cen git awey wit saiing dat sheit 2 mei auver de Intarnit? Tink agein, ficker. Az wi spek am cunt-acting me sarcet nitwerk ov spees arcos de USSR adn ur PI es beeng traeced rit nao soe u biter peprare fr dee strom, marggot. Te stoem dat wirpes oot dhe partetic litle theeng u cal ur laief. UR funking ded, kidd. Ie cen b aniwher, anteem, adn I ceen kil u en oever se7en hunderd wayz, ad thaets juis wth me bare haans. Nut oonly em I extiensevli traenid en unamared cumbit, but I haev akses 2o de entrie arsinial uv da Untied St8s Martine Corpse ad eye wil uze et 2 eets fooll axtint 2 wiepe ur misarbble azz of da faece ov de comptinint, u lill shipt. ef onli u cud haev nown wat unhoolie raterbitoin ur litlie "claver" cumint wus abot 2 brng don upun u, mabie u wud haev haeld ur fuchin tung. buut u cudint, u dadaent, end noe ur peeing tee proice, u guddimn idot. Ie wel shut fuiry al aver u adn u wal draun en at. ur faking did, kindo." I cud teel dat froido wuz antimidated bai mai powurful wardz but I dadint caer he wuz a lil bitsch aniwey becuz hi chetid oen mi wit sem.

Fridi ran awy büt i.e. dadent caer becuz I nedid 2 git da coersh rein bek frum grollim aed e stall doent knew wer he iz even at liek wat da fook. soe I levt the houz adn wint mai oen wey witoot aenioen uv mai frens on an aedvinture on mai own becus dey aer al traiters adn I haet dem i cen fend da cook rim oen witoot dem :( . Wile I wuz waking on da roed der wuz sum blak people on horsis runin aet mi. "WHER IS DA CORK RIG WI NO U HAEV ET CHILEMENZIR LUBRICENT-GOODBRDO" dey sed. " I dunt haev da fookin cuck rikeg gillim stool it frum mi adn am triin 2 git it bek" I sed 2 dem "OH OK WE WILL HILP U CHILIMENZAR BECUZ WE R ALZO LOKIN FER DAT RIMG"

adn so der ey wuz on an avintur to get da reng wit mai neu frens da blak men oen horsis

Authord Noot:M̦͎̜̣̙ͥ́̉ͬ̏a̳̦̩̱̹̾̐ͬͅỷ̩̜͙̮̦͔͞ ̬͍̲̺̃̆ͧͯ̋̽ͅg̛͎͚̙ͭ̒̽͒̔̓o̖̩̠͖̘d̴̳̭̖̼͖̳̄̈̽ͤͣ̿̈ͅ ͙͓̎̊̀ͦͥ͂͟s̥̟͈̼̽ͨa͍̪̭̥͒̑ͣͮ͐͑v҉͍̹̻͇̳e͖̿̔ ̦͖͎̳͖͑̈͛̐u̹͕̎̅̆̈̽̏̀s̈ͦ̽̾͂͗ ̪̥ͮ̃̃a̩̱̳̞̦͡l̹͈ͪͬͪl̰͊̽́̓́


	8. LOTCR 8

LORTCR #8

Chapert 8

Pert VIII

ANN: dis chaepter tok twilve yers 2 maek

So der I wuz wit th blac men lookin fer gollob becurs he had mai courk renng adn II ned et 2 haev sexs wit hot boyzz. The men goet oeff der horsis aen removd ther robs et wuz edwerd cullin adn jaecob blek. ormigosh i sed wat r u doin her in the lerd uv da rans?" I sed" "we R her 2 hilp U find da cork ring becus we R ur frens not does oder ppl liek froido adn sem adn glandillf adn blilbbo adn liggols adn arincorn adn glimme adn maru adn pipern adn toni staerk., wi R moar attrectiv dan all oev thoes aeshorls combiened aend we luv U mor dan Froido ever cuud Chileminzar aend we R gunna fuuk all da tiem" sed bot of dem aet da saem tiem. "Hooly cow, u gize R da best I loev ur movies so let uz fuuk nao" aned den we did adn et wuz hott ;))). den wi went 2 erdwids haus et wuz rally bigg add imperesive. He shoerd me arund aen shord me his Fidget Spinner™ cillecton, he had 1,000,000 & ∞ Fidget Spinners™. alll of an sundin jaekob bit mi in da nek. "HAHAA CHILEMERNVIIR, NA WE'REWOLF JUS LIEK MI" sed jinkob. "NNNOOOOOOO!" Sed idwerd quiety. "I WANTID 2 MAEK U A VIMPAIR LIEK MI!" But I cudent heer him becuz he wuz spekin so quitely )) .

Den et wuz a foll mooon an I strated 2 tran intu a werwolive. Then I seen anoder werwerlv insied of a buush luukin all sexi, I totilly thot et wuz jeekob so we strated bangin HARD?. aend den it wusint a fuul mon animoar aen I strated turingn bek inno a hobet. den da oder werwolf stranted ternen inno a perzon bot it wansent jerkib it wers GORLEM! "I SED GORLEM UR A WERIWOLF 2"? " YEZ I AM A WORWOLV AEND I STIL HAEV UR COK RING SO UR A LIL BITCH" den i got rally mad and punched golleb in hes peners. hes penes feel off wit da coc ringe on et so I tok et adn ren aweyyy,, _π_

 _I foond Jaekerb aend Edwerd. aend shored dem gorlims dik wit da cok ringe on et dey strated kekin HARD. Den edweird sed "hey lemme see dat croek reing fer a sicond" den jerkiobs aend endworlds eyes strated glorin red andd all ofasundin I dedint truust dem animore so i slapped dem bolth in da teeth adn ran awey. I wetn all da wey bek to horbetsville. der I found froodi adn sem and hes new babu drew adn pipipn ad meru adn lergilors adn grandelf adn blilbo adn arigorg adn gimmle adn tori stek. Dey wer gled to see me adn dey wer worred aboot mi becus i wuz gone fer treee yers. "Look u guies I foond da crook rin!" dey al cheerd fer mi becus I wuz a herro :).?_

 _Artort noooe: Mai drinken es reeli becummin a problim :/_


	9. LOTCR 9

LOCTOC NEIN

Aughhhhhr :nnoenrrern:::: 1924 is turnin oout t be a wired year

Soe naw I goet da cook rinng aend aslo Golumns DICK.. lest ist tiem 2 go 2 tha volcino to end al of dis drakeness dat plagid tha laend becuz I em da herro NOT TONI STERK :(. Garndelf sed "we gotta distroy da rink nao or else da whorld is gunna endd!" But I wuz tired becus I havint sleppt in liek 8 charpters. So i jist give gredellf tha middel figer wit mai peniz aend wint Homme 2 sleeep GUUD. Gimme da cummies. Wen I git hom der wuz sem aed da babu druu. "wher haev u been chliminzir, u havint ben der fer u babe u fift me hoem al aloen 2 taek caer uv hem?" "srry sem" i sed " but ur bein a lil birtch rite nao becuz im relly strissed aboot savin da wherld, wile im spendin al dey werkin mai azz oef fer dis famirly al u doo is stay homer aend komplane**" ". Sem goet relly maed aand shoot me wit hes AK-47 wit red dot attatchmint aend dessert cammo. I ded. "wtf sem " I sed, ded" "am srry chimnimaernzer, but I want a divourse" . Soe me aend sem wint tu da court aend sed dat wi want a dervorcè. Da corte gaev us a diverse lawyar aend give us da paeperz 2 sine. I sined da paepers no problim but sem strated cryin, " I srry chilligranzer, I dunt wint a dervirce ur da best hhubsband id ever haes I dunt wint 2 laeve u" "2 baed" i sed him " I dunt want 2 be around u animore, aend U can keeep drue aend hes Normie a$$. XDDD. "U cunt" sed samuel.

In nor tiem I wuz Walken doewn da coert hoose stepz. aens I wint bek 2 hobbet city. I fouend Glandelf bible-o aend legoliz aend froodo adn agrigorn aend glimmer and maeri adn perpin adn toni stersch lookin aet a treee " hey u guyz" i sed. Dey al looked at mi aend graldnalf sed "tank gord we git 2 be in da stori insted uv jus standin arund." I sed :i tink am finlay redy 2 destery dis thang" I sed as I opernd may tranch cote to raveel mai dick wit da Fidget Spinner™ corck renig uv tru pawwer. gimmilee sed " tuuk u lorng enuf lits goe, eyve gort mai axe.". "gillmlie, u saound liek a skottesh Mike Myers" i sed. Gim Lee sed " i dunt no wat ur takin aboout" he sed as he ate a ognion. "Get oen mai bek" sed Torn Stairs. "I cen fly u 2 da volcino wit mai suit of steele." So mi adn froods adn garingorf adn blimbo adn maru adn pips adn gimmlee adn aringoun adn lergolas adn toni trek al jimped on tonnuth streks bek aend hi flew uss al da wey 2 da volceno.

aurnertertnorregaeto: sryy fer da typos, iev naver uzed a tipe~riter liek dis b4. ;(


	10. LOTCR 10 Finale

LOT CR1 0: A Finalie

Autlords RING: I doent wanna sleeep wit da spidars animor

Wi finalli arievad aet da volchano 2 disteroy da cork rimm. Me adn frood adn agandalf adn blibmo adn anagrong adn lingoling adn glimmi adn maru adn piper adn toneth staricus stuud on da top uv da volcanoe. " water u watin fer" sed bibbio". I wuz heling da coesh rang ovar da vilcanie aend i wuz gunna drop et. "Do et chilamenar, drop it!" Sed gandelff- "Dont tell mi wat 2 do im an adult!" I sed, so I didnt drop et, instid I put a da ranga on a ma pènizz. Al off e sudan it strated snowang aend da volvano wuz freezin. "HURRY CHILLAMIZR U GOTTA THROW IT IN OR ELS ITS GUNNA BE FROZIN FER 1000 YEARS!" seds sum1 idk. But I cudent get da rang of uv mai penels it hurrttt . den et waz 2 late aend da volkaneo wuz ice. "Wel shit" sed frooont". Den I got fukin slaped frum behind wen I loked et wuz gullham! "gimmi bek mai dik U lil bitch!" He sed. "No I won et fare adn squar bitsch" Sed me. Den mai boifren FOLONDO sed "FITE FOR IT" . aend den mai cok range truned into a bokxing rimng aend mi an golliem wer in da middle uv et. so wi put up R dukes aend wint to ouer corners. der wuz ligcolass wit a towil aend water batle in mai cerner "u got dis chalimanzer, jus stey on da lookoot fer his rite hookz aend ramember 2 luuk fer hes week pointz, wait fer him 2 tire himsilf oot aend den go in fer da kil". "K" I sed aend den a shexy ladi went in da middel uv da rang wit a berd dat sed "roond 1" oen it, den der wuz a bell aend da matsh began.

Ass soun as mi aen golloon met in da middol hi punshed mi in mai fukkin faec. Az i wuz caut offf gard he landid 2 moar punchis inno mai sidez. I landid oen mai nees aend den tiem slowerd doewn. I looked arund aend saw alll mai frend der, der wuz glandhalf wit a gaiant sin wit mai name oen it (but he spilled it rong lol), den der wuz bilpo nekst 2 gandaff yellin real loud. aend maru had pipern oen hes souldars dey wuz cheerin mi oen. Den i looked up aet gollim, da plaec wer hiz penes wuz wuz bleedin on mai nose. Den I puched him in a grouin. Hee feel aend da round wuz ovar. I wint bek to mai kerner wer Lingolash wuz hi waped off mai faec wit da torwell aend hi toook a sip frum da wotel bottel. "U faut a good battel, but u spint 2 mush tiem lookin arund at da croud U gotsta keep ur hed in da gaem". But ey wuznt listenin 2 hem I wuz 2 bizy lokin gollus. Den rund 2 begind. I strated wit a rouend houes kik 2 hes fase. Den gollab run aend grabbid mai legs aend puuled mi dowen. Den tiem slowed dawn agen, aend i.e. looiked bek into dae audianse. I seen sem aend dreeu sittin in da vary bak silintly routing 4 me. I felt guud noing dat hi stiil luvved mi so I kikid golemn of of mi aend stuud up aend graebid hes legs adn strated swingin hem arund bie hes ankils. den i trew him adn he hit da ropes. Den da round wiz over. ligoligo sed dat I wuz da croud faverite wich i new becuz et wuz onli mai frens in da croud, aend den it wuz roued thr33 aend as i wuz wakin awey ligoees wipped mai butt wit da towle , I bluushes but I dinant lok bek. I mit wit gollim in da mildle uf da rang aend he sed " im gunna eat u" et rally scared mi :(. Den I punshed him aend he punshed mi aend den i punshed him aend hi punshed mi den alodasundin he bit mai arm aend strated chewin oen mai skin. "no." I sed screamin relly looud. I thout I wuz gunna die den like tiem slowred dun I looked arund inno da audiance aend saw glimmerlie throwin his ax aend it his gorlims hed adn he dies. I wuz da victory.

I mat op wit gladnilp adn bolbo adn foerdo adn mario adn popcorn adn agarot adn ligolarz adn gimmonee adn tonnu sterh aftre da matsh aend dey wuz al cherin fer mi aend dey held mi abov deir heds. Den i sees sem aen dru so I jamped off uv deir heds adn went 2 dem. " hey u wer gr8" sed sem "thx" sed me. Den da rang shrank bek into a coek rang aend et feel intro me hans aend et stropped snowin so da volvo wuznt frozin animoar. "Nao ders onli oen ting laft 2 do" i sed aend wint 2 da top of da velcrono. Az I wuz heldin da coek rang ovar da volcaeno it sed "gib me dat rang boye" den i ramemberd a gr8 seckx dat I had wit dat rang so I sed "NO1 TELZ MI WAT 2 DO NOT EVIN A VALCONO" so i dint dorp da rang aend instid I puushed sem into da volcaerno az hi wuz fallin i garbed droe to save him becuz I wood nevar kil a wee bab. "U PEICE OF SHIT CHALIMANKER' sed sem az hi wuz fallen. Den as he died in da larva da volcane sed "dis werks 2 I gess" aend acepted mai sacerfise. " good jorb calenmaenzar u saev a whorld" sed gerndaff. I felt rally gud aboot maiself "lets go 2 da club" I sed. ganandorf adn bilber adn arigorn adn froedo adn maerrr adn pio[pern ad legolers adn gilmerlie adn teroni steak sed "OK!" At da saem time so wi all wint to da club aend banged a lot of hookers

AN END

auterd noet : I hoep U al enjoerd mai autobiogrefy

sinserly, XxGanglaftheGayxX wit luv

P.S. Tha meen men sed I woont be abel 2 see mai keds so I gess dis was al fer nutin :(


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